Graduation

So as most of you know I GRADUATED! And it was honestly the best feeling in the world, but what I didn't realize was I never wrote about it! I went from senior year straight to college years and totally forgot about the BIGGEST and BEST transition between them; graduation.

If you have/have not been to a graduation that is perhaps good and bad. Why bad, you may ask? Well personally I graduated with a class of over 500 so the ceremony did take a while but the good thing about it is seeing everyone's accomplishments.

For High Schoolers, at least for me, Graduation was more than just a diploma and the ritual cap and gown. It was more than becoming an official adult and looked forward to college and leave high school behind. Graduating was an accomplishments. It made me realize I went to school for 13+ years and I worked my butt off, perhaps sometimes I could have worked harder, but regardless I worked my butt off. 

Freshman year I didn't give a care in the world because I was in high school and eventually I would get my diploma and go to college regardless of what I get. By junior and senior year I realized in order to get into schools I wanted I changed my life I worked extra hard and I realized I wanted to go to this specific school and despite what I did freshman year I will show them how big of a change I can make. So I did I got my life together and made A's and B's (with some occasional C'a but sometimes that's okay). 

Graduation was my pride and joy because I finally accomplished so many years of school. Sure there were times I wanted to quit and just drop out but that's not who I am. I stuck it out and being able to walk the stage was the best feeling ever! 

So here was how my graduation went:

Well that morning I went with my mother and one of my aunts to go get our nails done before the ceremony. After that I went home to put some make up on and do my hair. Next was time to put on my dress and of course the cap and gown. It was time for me too leave. My mother took me so she could take pictures and I saw my friends so obviously it was picture time. After multiple multiple run through a it was time.

This was it, this was my time to shine. (The whole week leading up to Graduation I had this big fear I was going to fall on stage.) I was the first one in line, the first one to step out and have the world see me as the 2015 graduates from my school. As we took our seats I looked around, I looked at the many faces sitting beside me. I saw people I knew for so long and some people I met recently and some people I never knew. Regardless of that everyone made up their own part in this graduation, or in this school. After talking for what felt like hours it was time to walk. (So I had a honor roll ceremony and rushed off stage as my name was called so my mom told me the night before not to run off stage for Graduation). Well my name was called, remember running off stage? I couldn't do that this time so many people were watching me people in front of me, it just couldn't happen, and honestly I was okay with that. They said my name and I smiled and took the happiest and proudest walk of my life on that stage. I shook our Principal's hand and took a picture. I then proceeded to sit back down. 

Once the whole thing was over my friends and I hugged and said to sach other "WE ARE FINALLY DONE." That's what you would expect from a high schooler who just finished right? Once we walked out of the building it was packed, remember the 500 and over students? Yeah that many plus more because of families were all swarmed together, it was funny because everyone was just yelled for their families, no one was suppose to have phones. So you would hear "Mom." "Dad." "MOM." Coming from so many directions it was a mess. The one thing I would recommend on your graduation day is take your time. Enjoy this moment because you will have to wait 4+ years for another moment like this. I remember my family rushed me after the ceremony to get food, and the problem was I didn't get to take pictures with everyone I wanted. I think that is one moment I was sad to see happen, so just enjoy your moment because that day will be yours! 

Honestly though, high school was pretty great. I mean of course my best friend and I fought every other week and high school sucked, but high school wasn't so bad. I got my first heart break there, I found out what I wanted to be, I learned who I was there, I met friends, I realized how to stand up for myself, I learned that I love writing and that I am sometimes good at it. I realized where I wanted to go to college, and why. I realized that I wanted to make a difference in the world, and realized I could be creative without trying to so hard. I realized you can't please everyone. I learned so much in high school, just like I will, and have, in college. I spent 4 years in High School and will spend more in College, but this is all my experience and I don't regret any of it. So when you get to your graduation, don't rush through it. Slow down, enjoy it because it will be a while for there to be a moment like that again. Look around and realize that you are growing up, and that you may not be with these people who had such a great impact on your life again. Graduation is the first realization that we are growing up, but don't let it happen to quickly. Embrace all the challenges life has to offer you and take everything in slowly and enjoy your graduation day.

"It's funny how day by day, nothing changes, but looking back everything changed." -C.S. Lewis

2015 has taught me...

Just like everyone, each year has taught me something different. I believe that this year has really taught me some things that the years before have not. Not only because I graduated and become a College girl or because I'm now in a sorority. I know that those do play into it but I think it goes beyond more than that.
1. It's okay to be average or to not exceed in some things.
I have had some difficult classes this year in College and my family and friends have taught me that it is okay that I am not excelling in that one subject. I have learned that and am fully aware that I am alright even if I'm not perfect in one subject.
2. To cut people out.
This year has been different because the transition between High School and College is difficult and I have definitely lost some friends along the way. I've lost people who I thought we would always be friends with. I've learned that you don't need fake or temporary friends, you need friends who build you up not tear you down or use you.
3. To become confident.
Every Monday I have to wear Pin attire for the Sorority and Wednesday's I have to wear our letters, and I learned that no matter what I wear I should feel confident and feel beautiful. I remember one specific Wednesday, the Wednesday after big/little reveal, I wore the shirt my big gave me and it was a snug shirt and I am use to big shirts now so I wore it anyways. I also wore skinny jeans and ankle heels and I felt very out of place because I am not use to stuff like that but being around my friends they helped me to feel confident and told me that I looked good in that outfit. Being surrounded by my new friends have helped me become a little bit confident.
4. Family is important.
Being an hour and a half away from home may not seem long but for a girl who has only been away from home is a week it's pretty hard. Every time I come home I know how important each and every second is with my family, and I cherish it all.
5. To be independent.
Being away from home has definitely taught me how to become independent. I have learned how to "adult" and have quickly learned I am best suited for the child life. I have been to the grocery store and have bought my own groceries by myself and have cooked some things. I remember that last year it was really hard for me to get up by myself either my mom or brother had to wake me up to go to school but this year I have learned to wake up on my own and not rely on anyone to help wake me up.
6. To stick up for myself.
In the past I have let people walk all over me and I have just accepted it, but not anymore. I have learned if I don't like something then I can stop it instantly. I had a friend last year who did not treat me right and coming into College I have tried to stick up for myself and with the new friends I am surrounded by I have learned that sticking up for myself is something important.
7. Cutting people out of your life is okay and sometimes needed.
I have cut some people out of my life this year and have not looked back. It is important to get rid of the negative people in your life, you just need people who will build you up not tear you down.

All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies

Being single, is okay it is not the end of the world!

Please don't think of yourselves as ugly, pathetic or desperate. Sometimes all we want is to find someone who is serious and start a family. At least that's what I want.

Earlier this month I went home for our annual pumpkin painting party. While I was there we all talked about how the little ones are growing up quickly and how my brother and I are also. Then came the part on how once the little ones hit double digits I will start to find someone, get married and start having babies of my own. Then my aunt said "you need to get married so I can go to a dance."

Crazy right? I'm only 18 and they are talking about marriage and kids, ALREADY! I told my friends about this conversation and my answer back was "well, I'm trying, but I'm a potato."

(Can we just take a minute to say that that is my favorite line ever, I even have my friends saying it too now.)

Anyways my whole life I imagined how in College I would find the perfect guy for me who would help complete me. Turns out I was wrong, I went to church earlier this month and heard the Pastor talk about how so often we seek for people who will complete us when we just need someone to help us. We should not ask to be completed by someone, because God will complete us. Instead we should ask God for someone who will help us.
Many times this semester I have heard my friends talk about which guy they are with now, and that they are too cool because they have a lot of guys fawning over them. Meanwhile I am sitting and just eating my pizza, and have plenty of times been mad at them bragging over their guys. I have come to terms that I shouldn't. Why should I be sad and wanting a boyfriend when all of my friends have these guys and all they do is hurt them, or in turn get hurt themselves. What good is that? Instead I should focus on myself, I should focus on letting God complete me to where when I am ready for a relationship God will finally send him my way.
I have always been about 8-10 years younger than my cousins, and one of them had a child at about 19-20 but his older brother has yet to have a child. My aunts have plenty of times told him he needs to settle down. Plenty of times. I have just been told that once, and I freaked out. I am only 18 and they are telling me that I need to get married and start my family, like now. Earlier this month my friend,K, and I went to eat with her friend from home. Her friend was a wife, and mother, as well as expecting and she was successful and looked like she had her life together. She's about 10 years older than me, the same age as my cousin. 10 years older, yet my family is wanting me to start now.
Sure I got mad at my family for expecting that of me, because I have been trying my hardest these past months in College but then I realized that when both, me and my future husband are ready we will meet one another. I saw someone write a post saying that we younger people need to pray for our future husbands and kids every once in a while. So while my friends are "living in the moment" and testing guy after guy I will continue to be the little flower I am and watch movies and eat pizza, while I pray for my future husband to not be doing what my friends are doing and hopefully for us to have some beautiful and amazing children. I will pray that he is also praying for me, and that one day we will both have our lives together and that by that time we will meet one another, and instead of completing one another we will instead help one another in spreading the word of God as well as helping each other will our everyday lives.
If you happen to be single and you are about 16-24, it is totally okay. K is 21 and she does not have a boyfriend, I mean she does have a guy at home who I am sure they will get married (of course that's a different matter) but she's not stressing. Her mother is pressuring her to find a soulmate because she's 21 but she's not. Why? Perhaps because all the guys here are immature, or are just wanting one thing, sex. Now if those guys are wanting that they they can go elsewhere, because I know a lot of girls who are wiling to do that, but my friend and I are not. Perhaps that is why we are both single, but I believe that if a guy and I are destined to be together, he won't want that, and also God will have me be ready for him and that won't be necessary until our Married days. So if you are single don't worry, because you have your priorities straight and you should focus on yourself and your goals before you think about dating anyone anyways. So to child of God that wishes and hopes that the guy in your class takes another glance at you, remember it's okay not to have a guy. It's okay to focus on your self and for the time being be without a guy.
"Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say… "There she is"…"
"You are a daughter of the KING. You are worth more than you know. A man is going to give you the world, please don't settle for less." 

Dream ~BIG~LITTLE~ One

In my earlier post about initiation I realized I mentioned, my big, twiddle and littles and I totally forgot to put a post about big/little reveal.

[Us waiting to go inside the building.]

What is big/little reveal exactly? Well at the beginning of the year we wrote who we wanted to be our big and then once that decision was made we have a whole week of our bigs kind of spoiling us. Now what is a big, you ask. A big is an older member of the sorority who takes you under her wing and is your helper and someone who can just be there for you anytime of the day.

(In order from left to right; Me, D, K.V, A., and K.N.)

The night after meeting our bigs gave us our favorite snack. The night before the meeting one of the girls asked me my favorite snacks. Nothing could come to mind so I was thinking and asked my best friend from home, as well as my mom. Of course they came in clutch. I only told her I liked paydays, and chex mix, when I opened the bag I found sprite and Hershey's drops. My big knew me so well without me having to tell her, SCORE!

So the first day my big gave me our letters, she painted them in pink and gold with flowers, and I think this is my favorite gift she gave me. I could tell she worked really hard on it. I absolutely love them!

The second day she gave me our creed. During this time most of us littles try and figure out bigs out so we can know who they are and spend time with them earlier than the big/little reveal day. Our bigs know this and the whole week I tried to compare my bigs handwriting with others seeing if anyones matched as well as if any of the older members wrote me anything to compare their handwriting also.

The third day my big gave me a bunch of pink things. A pink spiral, a pink pencil, a pink flashlight, pink gum, pink Chapstick, pink notecards, pink socks, pink fake flowers, pink starbursts, a pink L, pink hang pins, pink fluffy balls, and pink glitter. I commented "How could I use this?" referring to the glitter when one of the girls stated "You could use that as fairy dust!" and I said "I could be Tinker Bell with these fluffy balls also!" This was the last day before our official meeting of big little.

Since this was the last day before knowing who are big was everyone kept asking one another who do you think your big is?

I'll tell you my thought process. I thought my big was G because her best friend is the one that asked me what my favorite snack was. Then every time we did something at the sorority she would either  talk to me or stare, and not in the rude sense. But I also thought it was M because the first letter my big wrote me was "I loved you since day 1." M interviewed me throughout rush week so I thought perhaps she was my big. Then I also thought it was B, the girl who asked me my favorite snack, because my friend G.D got the same flashlight as me, just orange. Also that night G texted me asking my favorite disney movie, or favorite tv show. I thought it was ironic because G was there when I said I could be tinker bell and my big knew my love for disney. That is partially why I thought she was my big. So that's what I told people. I didn't know who exactly would be my big tell the next day.

(K and I)

It was finally the next day. It was the day we got to find out who are big was. We had a meeting before that, just the new members did it. Once the meeting was over we would then finish and have enough time to get ready to where we can look cute for pictures. Once it was 30 minutes to the reveal we all pilled in A's car and drove to the building. It had to be planned out very strategically so none of us could know who our big is. This was the last day for presents, so presents were lined up all over the room. Just my luck, I was first. In my basket my big had made me canvas' which made me really happy because I LOVE canvas' and my dorm needs a little decorating. The first Canvas is Dream Big Little 1. the second is our sorority with an infinite sign saying big little on either side. Then the second and third Canvas are my favorite. The third one says "Darling it's Better Wearing These Letters." And it has some fish on it, I didn't tell her my favorite movie was Little Mermaid but yet she made it. It made me really happy that she made it. The fourth one, and my all time favorite; says Once Upon a Time. It is colored really pretty brown with goldfish colors. My favorite tv show is Once Upon A Time with all the fairy tale characters. I am so in love with this one, she told me she did it the night before. It looks so awesome that it was planned way before. The next thing she gave me is a blackboard with ladybugs all over it. Also she gave me a cup that is big enough that cereal can fit as well as a drinking bowl. She also gave me a mason jar cup with skittles filled into it. Also some lotion, a picture frame that our picture is suppose to go into. A tiny Lion, because that is my favorite animal some fuzzy socks, and a pearl necklace with a flower headband. Also some fake flowers and an L Canvas letter with flower fabric onto. Lastly our big/little shirts were in the bowl cup and it is pink with little on the side and angel wings on the back.

(The front of the shirt.)

(The back of the shirt.)

Then once everyone opened their presents from their big it was time to find out who are bigs were. We had to go out into the next room while all the bigs were figuring out what to do. My big, whoever she is, asked me the night before what my favorite song is. I said fight song. That's how we had to find our big, we walked outside and there were a bunch of cars everywhere music being blasted from all different directions and you had to listen for the song your big was playing. Before we went out we had a piece of paper that was the lyrics for the song she played for us. It was finally my turn, and I walked out and was listening for Fight Song. Then I heard it, I ran as fast as I could to the car and in the drivers side is G. My BIG! If you guessed her, then you guessed right! It was G. We hugged and went back inside and took a bunch of pictures!

(My big and I)

Now for family terms. I have a big, G, she has a twiddle K (kind of like a twin but we say twiddle), her twiddle has twiddles D, and A. I have a G-Big C., and we have somewhat of a lot of cousins but our family is the middle size family. There is one family that makes up majority of the sorority.

(From left to right: [light purple] K, B, L. [dark purple] B, A, G, F, [dark purple] K, A, D, C, [pink] G.)

What was funny is when my big texted me the night before asking all of my favorite things I said "you're welcome big" and she had told me that she wasn't. After I found out she was she told me how nervous she was and she was freaking out panicking because I called her big already. She still tells me that story and every time I laugh. I already love my family and I can't wait to grow with these girls and I defiantly can't wait until I'm a big and will impact someone's life like mine has to me.

"Your vibe attracts your tribe." 

Initation

So at the beginning of this month I finally got initiated in the sorority. Crazy right? I think so too! The one thing I absolutely love about my sorority is our photogenic selves. Once everything was said and done we obviously had to take pictures! Family pictures, pictures to signify the day, and everything in-between! Now if you know me, I LOVE PICTURES! Last year for Senior English our project every six weeks was to make 6 scrapbook pages over what happened in those 6 weeks. Easiest thing for me because I was always taking pictures, even at the smallest of things. My two best friends in the sorority, A and K.N have found out just how much I love pictures really early in the semester.

Neither one of them prefer pictures but they suck it up to make me happy and will take pictures with me anyways. A had work though, and she was my ride home. What happened? The whole time my big wanted family pictures with her twiddle and her twiddles littles as well as me. I had to wait for all of them, so while I was I took many random pictures with everyone. I remember A kept coming in the building to get me and every time I was in a different place, with a different person taking pictures. I could tell she was getting mad and I said "okay hold on let me get my stuff."

At that time K.V approached me saying "Why is she wanting you to leave now?" And I said how she had work and K.V said "oh I can take you home". Problem solved which meant more time for me to take pictures, so I ran out of the building to get my stuff from A's car and while doing that I said "Hold on don't take anymore pictures. I am so in love with all these pictures, DON'T JUDGE ME AND MY PHOTOGENIC SELF." After that I got a bunch of laughs and then once back in the building everyone said "oh there you are" like they didn't hear me scream to wait. All in all that day was extremely fun and I love taking many pictures with my amazing, and official, sisters.

(The day we got our certificates)

"Give a girl the right pair of shoes, and she can conquer the world. Give a girl a bid, and she will not have to do it alone." 

Reunited and it feels so good

Earlier last week my mom and brother came to visit on tuesday to be exact. Why? They missed me, why you may ask. I have not gone home for two whole months, give or take a week. This has been the longest I have not seen my family for. I was kind of mad that they came though because I wanted to surprise them that thursday by going home and surprising them. Oh well ce la vi. They came on a tuesday which is one of the busiest days for me, but somewhat an easy day. I have a busy but easy schedule because those classes are always pretty easy and laid back. I went to English (my first class that day) but left half way because we were discussing a paper I already knew how to do.

Funny story about me leaving. So I was just going to that class to hand my friend my math homework so she could turn in for me. I called my mom saying I will stay in English so I could ask about to paper, well then I realized my mom would be there in 30 minutes and class hasn't even started. She would be waiting for an hour and 15 minutes. So I left. Or so I thought, I walked out of class, and here comes my professor. Oh great. I told him that I couldn't go to class, but of course the little scary cat I am I went back to class. I felt so sick because I was torn between leaving class because my mom texted she was there, or stay and have my family wait doing nothing. I told my friend and she repeatedly told me "Leave! Just go you miss them." So I did. I handed her my backpack and she slide it down to the girl behind her and she slide it to the table behind her and I left and grabbed my bag really smooth and ninja like. 

The whole time they were here we just drove around trying to find a place to eat at. Finally we saw a Chinese restaurant and went to eat there. It has been so long since I have eaten anything besides Ramen, noodles, and our cafeteria food. When it was time for them to go I was sad because I only spent less than 5 hours with them. I was happy that I would be going home that weekend though.

Once class ended thursday I ran towards my car and was off. Class doesn't start until 11 so before I went to class I dropped my stuff off. Since class ended about 4:15 and I had to make a pit stop to my room to grab a jacket and make a potty break it was about 5 when I officially left campus and the town. Now to my hometown. When I finally got home it was about 6:30, and my amazing grandmother made some Korean food for me. Boy oh boy have I missed it. 

Going home I was introduced to a new member, a small new puppy. The only problem with this new puppy is, I have not ever been home since that dog has been there. The dog didn't know me so when she saw me she barked and screamed. We can strongly say the dog doesn't like me, which I told her that I was there first and am the ultimate Princess but she still refuses to like me. 

The next day I spent with my mother and grandmother as well as studied a bunch. Then we went to my moms best friends sons football game. Good thing for us that it was such a small town game we didn't have to go outside, instead we stayed in the warm car cheering for the team.

Saturday night we had a family dinner with my cousins and my aunt and uncle. They came because I was in town and we got Korean food again. I had such a fun time that night because my brother downloaded some app that makes it seem like your in a space ship with someone and you yell orders at one another and do it. The whole rest of the night everyone was yelling orders and the funny times is where there was a wormhole so you had to flip the phone. You would hear them yelling orders then "wormhole FLIP!" It was so funny chaos then a moment of silence to flip then chaos again.

Its crazy how old I am getting, while there my cousins were trying to guess my age and said I was 20. I literally flipped at that. I am getting old, but I am also growing. I am thankful for the moments I can get with my family and to make crazy memories with them. I'm thankful to be away from home so I can learn how to adult on my own as well as let me learn what it is like to miss my family and want to always be around them.

"Family a link to the past, and a bridge to the future." 

"Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind." 

Trick or Treat

Halloween time, is one of my least favorite holidays. I love seeing little kids in costumes showing off their favorite character from a movie or something creative, but I am not a fan of the people showing off scary costumes. Nor am I a fan of halloween movies, shows or scary movies in general.This year was the first year I was not home to celebrate halloween. This year I was on campus and they had a trunk or treat thing with all different organizations. My favorite thing was seeing all the cute little kids dressed up and coming around to play our game, bowling. I remember being that young and getting excited to play games and get free candy for it. Although we had a trunk or treat at church and there was thing cake walk and I played several times to where I got many desserts… There was a lot of sugar rushes on Halloween when I was younger.

Well anyways, this year I wanted to be Sandy. Ever seen Grease? Yeah I wanted to be her, especially since this year I dyed my hair blonde. I was set on being Sandy till the day before. I realized my hair is much longer than Sandy's and curling my hair wouldn't turn out as curled and perfect as hers. So I opposed it but thought of the whole black outfit theme, and went for being Dauntless. I was Tris Prior. The trunk or treat wasn't until later on that day so around 12 I went to Walmart to find a fake tattoo of birds. It's halloween and the year before they had them, so they should have some now right? WRONG. I couldn't find any so I just grabbed some aztec tattoos and called it good.

Then I got back and decided I needed to watch Divergent in order to get into character for that night to impress the kids. Do you know what I noticed once I opened the box to Divergent? A TATTOO OF THE BIRDS! So I said, alright cool now I don't need to worry about that. I proceeded to watch Divergent, I needed to take in every movement and become as confident as her. That is Dauntless people, never show fear. Well it was time for me to pack my stuff and head to my friends to get ready.

We went to my friend K.N's house, and my other friend K.V helped me get ready by curling my hair. Obviously in the movie she never has her hair done, and I was told plenty of times to look the part and just leave my hair, but I should at least look presentable because guys from our school would be there. Remember those bird tattoos I found in the dvd case? Guess what happened to them. I forgot them, of course. What did I do, you ask. We improvised, and made our own.

This was honestly the best thing I have ever experienced. I had finished getting ready early because I just wore black leggings, a black shirt, and my leather jacket. (Dauntless are all black), so we tried making an 'at home' tattoo. Before we tried this we traced it on paper, and K.N wanted to free draw the birds on me. WRONG. So finally we found the 'at home' idea and tried it. Although it didn't work as well as we wanted it did work well enough to where we could see an outline of it. I joked and said this is my third official tattoo and sent my mother a snap chat saying "sorry mom". The funny thing is while I sent my mother the video I never looked at the birds, or at least never realized the birds. Half way with the second bird I heard chuckling. Hearing chuckling is never a good thing when your friend is drawing on you with a sharpie. I pulled out my phone and looked at the camera of it and realized the birds were HUGE. They were not proportional at all and ended up looking like blobs. We took a good 20 minute laugh from it, and settled with, they are kids it won't matter to much it's the idea.

(She was a Holy Cow)

While waiting on K.V and D to finish getting ready we played inside tennis with a nerf tennis racket and a small ball. We had to sadly end because K.N had a great idea of playing baseball and was mere centimeters from hitting my head. Finally everyone was done and it was time to go give kids candy. Although I was sad this year I couldn't go home and stay a kid and get candy myself, I did have a good time getting my third tattoo and almost getting hit with a ball.

(The Final Outcome)

"Fear doesn't shut you down. It wakes you up." -Four, Divergent.